Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It's shark week go big or go home
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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