i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
