is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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