She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
