Ambien. No doubt about it.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
