It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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