FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
