but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize