while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
