apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
