I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
