I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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