If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
