maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize