Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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