she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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