I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
