Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
