ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
