My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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