mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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