What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
