There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize