I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
