Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
