guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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