Welp...herpes.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
