i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
My first STD was from a foam party
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
