as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
