u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
