Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
