Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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