I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Ketchup is God's man juice
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
