Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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