I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
