Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
