Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize