I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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