I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
