pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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