She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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