I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
