dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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