Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
