Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
