i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
