Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize