Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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