Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We have so much sex to catch up on
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
