come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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