she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
