I think my vagina is haunted
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
This baby is an asshole
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
