Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Is her dick bigger than yours?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
