I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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