Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
