the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
