arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
