Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
