All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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