i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
