Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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