He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
