if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
