I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
