Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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