ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
