There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize