Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
