is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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