I heard we made out
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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